Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Well, it's been a little while since I blogged... I've been writing (and writing and writing and writing), just not here... I've been working on a story. One of my main passions is the written word. I wrote story after story after story during my younger life (my much younger life), pages and pages of hand written stories on loose leaf, coil scribblers, scraps of paper, typewriter written stories and eventually, computer written stories. I wrote because I loved to write. I stopped writing for a time due in large part to my ignorant ex-husband who declared one day "You aren't no Stephen King" (trust me, the irony is not lost on me). At the time, I really trusted him and his opinion (oh, youth, how stupid and fleeting you are) and was heartbroken that he'd say something like that to me. Being who I am, I took it to heart and didn't write for a very long time. And by long time, I mean 15 years. I tossed many of the things I'd written, trying to purge myself of all memories of my past. The other thing I attributed to my prolonged writer's block was seeking treatment for depression. After spending many years locked in the prison that is depression, I got help and got better. Suddenly, the things that once inspired my writing were gone and I had no voice. I hid behind that for a long time. I started blogging in 2010 and once again began to try and find my voice again... I spiraled into a pretty deep depression part way through 2010 and have been struggling since but here I am... Now, after having been on medical leave for nearly seven months (not due to the depression) and having read as many books as I can stand and experienced one mostly failed attempt at returning to work, my husband suggested I start writing. His suggestion was to set aside some time each day to write. To take advantage of this otherwise gloomy prognosis and home bound life and use the time to write. When I said "I had nothing to say that hadn't been written" he suggested taking an idea that had been written and using my voice to say it. I did give that serious thought for a while but still hadn't started anything. I pined and whined about what to write until one night, while drifting off to sleep, an idea was born (many of my best ideas are born in the very same way - on the cusp of this land and the land of my dreams). On the afternoon of March 2, 2013, I started to write. And write and write and write and write. I've been writing almost every free moment I get, each and every day since. The words tumble out onto the page freely and like they were meant to be there. It's been exhilarating, addicting, frustrating, enlightening and absolutely joyous. I'm obsessed - which scares me because like all things, the story will end and I'm a little afraid that I'll get so lost in the story that I won't know where my line in reality will be. It's been twenty years since I've been this lost in a story (in fact, it may actually be 23 years since I've felt so connected to a story I've written) and I'm loving it. So, I've been writing (and meal planning and crafting - oh, and actually doing my 'day job', albeit only six hours a week), my passion renewed, my interest in life and music renewed.