Talking Tuesday: discovering self

I've decided, as part of my "40 by 40", I should blog more. Part of my lack of bloggy goodness has to do with the fact I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going. I have so many ideas in my tiny little head that it's really, really hard to focus on one specific thing.

I keep reading to 'blog about something you're passionate about' - frankly, I'm passionate about a whole bunch of things but I keep trying to pigeon hole myself into something specific that's readable, doable and appealing to others.

As 40 approaches, I've decided I don't care about convention. I started this blog out of desperation: I'd started a new job I absolutely detested and I *hoped* it would be a means to an end so I could quit and finally resume my role as a SAHM. I knew nothing about blogging but I was so desperate to be a stay at home mom, I would have sold my soul. Life had other plans: TroubleMaker is five and a half and I still work full time (the notable exception has been the past year as I've been on medical leave). I'm tired of trying to fit some mould of what I should be.

After all, isn't that what 40 is about? Realizing you don't owe anything to anyone and you start really figuring out who you are? That's always been my impression, even if I've spent the past 20 years trying to be 'me'. I don't feel I've ever fully given myself permission and I certainly didn't believe I would have the support of my family, friends or society. Now, I'm not sure I care so much. I'm not trying to impress anyone and I really only care about what those who share the house with me think (of me) and that I can look at myself and be proud of who I am. I want my son to see the strong, dedicated, hard working, passionate woman I think/hope I am. My husband supports me - always, regardless of what I may think, say or do (the only whim he will no longer follow is my desire to be a vegetarian (again)). Max, my dog, thinks I'm totally awesome - especially if I have food.

Barefoot Deliberations is me - in print form. I've not always done a really good job at reflecting that - because I've been caught up in the machine - but I'd like to be more true to myself. I've written some good things here (and some not good and some mediocre) but that is who I am. I can't be any more or any less - especially if I'm not being true to myself.

I like talking design, politics and current events. I love writing and talking and sharing the things I've learned. Naturally, I have reservations (because my life has been complex and not always great and I know some of my family and friends read me regularly (Hi Friends and Family)) so I have to temper some of my propensity to "share" because I am not an island and I can't be anonymous. This is my method of expressing myself and I'm kind of done trying to fit a mould. It keeps me in a box and doesn't let who I am shine through.

Going forward, you may see posts about me, food, design, crafts, family, politics, current events, things that get under my skin, reviews (of stuff I really like and have happened upon on my own), organizing, life and anything else that strikes my fancy. Of course, I'd like everyone to read me and think I'm wonderful and awesome and oh so amazing, but if you don't, that's okay too because it isn't a popularity contest and I can only be me.