Move home and let Mom sort it out

There have been very few (if any) days in my adult life where I thought moving home and letting my Mom take care of everything was a good idea.

Today, I believe this may be the best solution (not really, kind of).

Being a parent is hard. Being a grown up is hard. Having to cook 300 days a year is hard (I'm allowing for a lot of take-out/restaurant meals). Cleaning the house is hard (because it just keeps getting dirty). Cleaning windows is hard. Home maintenance is hard. Working is hard.

I want to be that kid that spends hours in the basement playing "Office" with my siblings. I want to be the kid who plays endlessly in the dirt surrounding our acreage with my brother's Tonka trucks and the homemade trucks my Grandpa made us. I want to play Barbies with my sister. I want to write stories. I want to come home from school and have my Mom smiling with homemade cookies for a snack the yummy smell of dinner cooking in the oven.

I'll even weed the garden and spend 3/4 of the summer shelling peas. Oh, how we spent our summers shelling peas (and taking the ends of green beans and picking raspberries and digging carrots and dusting the cauliflower and broccoli with toxins to kill bugs). Heck, I'll even take my elderly Grandmother shopping every single Saturday (without complaint) and I promise I won't die of embarrassment  when she farts in every isle.

I want fresh sheets on my beds, clean laundry in my drawers and a hug from my Mom telling me tomorrow would be a better day. My life wasn't a Normal Rockwell painting but there are days now where I reflect on my childhood with longing and desire. I was always in such a hurry to grow up that now that I have, I think young me was a total moron. Being a grown up is damn hard and it isn't nearly as much fun as I expected it to be.

Sure, I have a job (sort of) and it pays well and I can buy "things" I want but I can't buy everything I want because, you know, I have to eat (and feed my own little TroubleMaker) and make house payments and pay bills and save for TroubleMaker's university education. I can't bunk off my responsibilities and because I'm not independently wealthy, I've actually travelled less as an adult then I did as a teenager.

Then one has to factor in the whole "getting old" stuff. How things hurt now that didn't before and how the ground keeps getting further and further away from me (and it's not because I'm growing taller). My neck and back are aching and my sight and hearing's fading for crying out loud - this grown up thing is stupid.

Seriously, it's not really that bad but I'm certainly willing to go to my Mom's for a few days and just lay on her couch and let her serve take care of me.

TroubleMaker, the piano and getting older

TroubleMaker starts piano lessons in September. I'm over the moon excited about this: I've always wished I could play the piano. We've always had musical instruments in our house - as a 'former' aspiring musician, music has always been important to me - my child being involved in music has always been the one thing I new I'd do "right" as a parent.

I went to a fairly 'artsy' elementary school. We had a huge music room with a very well developed music program. I remember singing in choirs and playing various instruments (mostly percussive) from the first grade through to seventh grade. In grade seven, I took up the saxophone. I loved that instrument. I remember my parents banishing me to the addition to practice that first year (was I really that bad?) but practice I did! I played up until eleventh grade when my high school forcibly removed me from the music program so I could take a math course (see here for the results of that decision).

I think for Christmas when I was in the 8th grade (maybe it was 9th?), my parents bought me an accoustic guitar. By the end of the day, I could pick "My Guitar Gently Weeps". Being able to read music was very important... Along the way, we also got an electric keyboard (maybe Christmas 1987?). Although none of us played piano, my Dad felt it was important we had it. It was - it's how I tuned my guitar for the next couple of decades, it was the drummer on the old demo tapes my sister's ex-boyfriend and I recorded and I was able to play Christmas carols in the winter on it.

So, what I'm getting at is that I was fairly musically inclined.

When I was 22 or so, my ex-husband sold my guitars. It's a very long story and I do not think I've ever really processed how I allowed him to do that to me. I still harbour a lot of anger and resentment about it... Around 2003 I bought my husband a used guitar so he could learn to play - he didn't (too hard for someone who'd never taken a music class in his life) however, in 2006 or so, my husband decided to learn to play guitar and he bought himself a new one and started taking lessons.

In 2009, he fulfilled my life-long wish and purchased me a folk guitar and I started playing again. I was surprised how much I remembered! By this time, we had an electric tuner (so I didn't need my faithful, 20 year old keyboard anymore).

I don't play much - my hands are usually to sore and swollen to properly play but I try sometimes because music has always been therapeutic.

Anyway, this year (because I was too late last year), I enrolled TroubleMaker in piano lessons... The kid has a gift - when he was three, he started playing the old electric keyboard and made music. He needed lessons - it just took me time to figure out where to take him.

So we bought a new electric piano (from Costco, of all places). Last night, we set it up and TroubleMaker was so eager to play it! He's played it today again too!

As my husband was putting the boy to bed, I decided to sit down and see what I remembered.

I realized quickly, I remember nothing. I'm not even sure what the keys are anymore. I picked out part of "Pop Goes the Weasel" (one day, remind me to tell you about the drama class I took where I played that song for the class in an impromptu performance) but I was a blank. After ten minutes, it was evident that unlike the guitar, anything I'd once picked up on the piano, was gone.

To me, this means I'm getting old. I remember talking to my other half years ago and was absolutely flabbergasted that he couldn't remember things like his fourth grade teacher or the name of the first girl he kissed... Now that I'm getting up there, I completely understand.

So I'm going back to beginner piano with my son! The program is parent and child driven so I'm hoping, I'll be able to practice along with him because I really, really want to be able to make beautiful music!

Here's the first tinkering on the new machine - I'd love an acoustic piano but we decided until TroubleMaker commits to going all the way with piano, this little machine will work just fine.


 

A Little of This... A Little of That...

I've started approximately 15 blog posts since I last wrote. They fell in the random category - both musings and rants but none of them developed into a full post.

I'm tired today and am "recovery" mode... Recovering from my three week vacation (which wasn't actually a vacation - kind of), I'm catching up on terrible TV and trying to...

Okay, I'll get real - I sat down this morning with every intention to start (and maybe finish) the rough edits to my story (which I'd like to remind you was written in 35 days (I will take victory where I can). It's taken me four months to finish the rough edits (I'm currently transcribing them into the digital version) except in that time I actually wrote the (please forgive me) "sequel". Not so much a sequel - its more of the 'continuation'. I finished the first story and I was like "It's done!" But I loved my characters so much, I started writing again.

Anyway... I meant to finish adding the edits to the first story but then I got sidetracked because I had to enroll TroubleMaker in swimming (and research gymnastics - he asked to go back into gymnastics) and then I had to confirm some stuff for his piano lessons (including ordering a new electronic piano) and then it was like noon and I had to fry up the new potatoes I'd cooked for supper last night.

Needless to say, I didn't but I did not want today to be a total bust so I'm writing a blog post instead.

A blog post about nothing.

Does he get that from me?

Today, TroubleMaker appologized for something he didn't do. He kept saying he was sorry over and over again.

He was next door playing and one of the boys slipped getting out of the kiddie pool and hurt himself. The child indicated he'd slipped and fell (but he was okay) but TroubleMaker kept saying "Sorry." The neighbour asked him "Why are you sorry? Did you push him?" The little boy who fell piped up and said "No. It was all me. I fell."

TroubleMaker claimed it was all his fault and seemed so heartbroken, apologizing again a couple more times. I impressed upon him that it wasn't his fault and that it wasn't his doing - it was an accident and he shouldn't feel responsible.

It really bugged me. In part because I could hear myself in his words.

I apologize for everything. Sometimes it's like I'm sorry I exist. I don't know why I do it - but I always have. I remember feeling guilty for things other people did (that had no impact on me). It really, really took a toll emotionally on me. I remember once watching one my Dad's vacation films. He and a bunch of people went to the Dominican Republic (I think) and in the video, my great uncle is trying to give a local child some American money. My Dad admonished him for it and I felt guilty! Like eating me up inside guilty.

It was shortly after that I banished the guilt from my body. It still creeps in from time to time but I usually have a firm conversation with myself about how stupid I'm being.

But I still apologize. All. The. Time. I apologize for over cooking eggs. I apologize for forgetting to put stuff away. I apologize for forgetting. I apologize for something not being on TV that my husband wants to watch.

I have now passed that bad little habit onto my son. I'm mortified. I'd noticed he'd been doing it but today, taking responsibility for something he didn't do, drove it home, hard.

I've been trying to stop doing it, I have. But apparently, I'm not being very successful.

Tomorrow, I will do better.

Talking Tuesday: K-Days - our first time

Today I took TroubleMaker to K-Days. Don't ask what the "K" stands for - the summer fair that runs for two weeks each July in Edmonton used to be "Edmonton Exposition", in 1964, it was changed to "Klondike Days", then in 2006 they changed the name again to "Capital X" (for eXposition), and then, in 2012, some marketing genius held a 'contest' to rename the fair. Options included "EdFest", "River City Festival", "The Edmonton Exhibition", "Edmonton Summer Exhibition" and "River City Summer Fair". All of those are far better choices than than the "what the hell does it mean" K-Days, but the people voted and it won.

But that's not what I'm writing about. That was a little aside that I need to share.

TroubleMaker has been asking us since he turned 2 or 3 to go. Neither my husband or I "do" rides. I used too but age got the best of me and I get very, very nauseated just watching the rides go 'round. This year, there was no way I could even imagine taking him because I just had my NECK fused together. But I digress, again.

This year we decided to take him. Luckily, we have some amazing friends who decided to go with us and another who lent us her kid. There were far to many people and it was hot (I'm sunburned and learned next year, I'll be taking a backpack FILLED with supplies) and the lines were stupid long (we'll be buying 'express' passes next year) but seeing my son's face light up made it all worth while.

He got to fly like a bird...

He got to take his best girl on their first motorcycle ride... 

And I got...

As I tucked him into bed tonight, I thanked him. He helped me overcome my fear of the summer festival. He helped me be a better mom by making his dream (of going to the fair) come true. He helped me overcome a whole lot today and I will always be thankful he and I got to go to K-Days for our first time, together.

Check another thing off my "40 by 40" list!

Thursday and other such ramblings...

I've got four posts in 'draft' (or can it still be draught?) but I'm too chicken to post two of them and the other two aren't done so today, I shall babble incessantly about nothing. Or maybe about something; I don't really know yet.

Let's talk Twitter first. I joined a while ago (like a month or two) and was initially trying to figure out exactly what it's purpose is. Although I'm not quite sure I know, you can follow me, if you so desire, it's kind of interesting to know what people are doing day to day, minute by minute - especially since so many people have a much more interesting life than I do (it feeds my voyeuristic tendencies - no, mothers of mine, I'm not 'weird' like that, I mean in a 'watch E news kind of way'). It kind of feels like a high school popularity contest and that bothers the crap out of me. I part because we're all adults, right? Yet, we find (as adults) new and even more tortuous ways to perpetuate the childish games we should have left behind. Or maybe that's just me and the coffee talking.

Here is me: Brennan's Mom

If you follow me, I'd love to follow you back and we can be Twitterpated with one another (again, not in a 'weird' way)!

What else should I talk about? Hmmmm...

I have a birthday coming up (Saturday) and although I typically keep my birthday low key and quiet (which is weird, because on the inside, I'd love skywriting and surprise parties and big announcements on the radio), this year I know my son wants to plan a party (yay! he's just like me when it comes to celebrating things). It got me thinking about presents...

Since 2005, my husband and I haven't exchanged gifts. It may have started before that, I'm old (and getting older) and I don't remember quite as well as I used too. Since TroubleMaker was born, we allow him to get us something at Christmas (we still don't exchange gifts) and sometimes birthdays. Typically, I have no idea what I want - because I don't really need anything.

This year, I've come up with a list of 8 things. In no particular order, they are:
1. Popcorn maker (Brennan got me one at Christmas and it always ran rough -  about a month ago, it died completely)
2. Ice cream maker (This isn't a need but a want - because in the summer, I see the BEST homemade ice cream recipes)
3. Drum kit (my husband says 'over his dead body' and did not find it hilarious when I said it could be arranged - I was, of course, joking - but he's really serious - eventually, our house will have one, don't worry)
4. Saxophone (I played for years but never owned my own. I'd love to take it up again and want one!)
5. Swimming pool (this is ridiculous request that will never be fulfilled unless it's another 5' kiddie pool)
6. Perfume (usually, I get this for Mother's Day - but I'm running low on the (only) one I wear)
7. Electric guitar & amp (again, I've played for years but my ex-partner sold mine (almost) 20 years ago)
8. Microphone (so I can sing and maybe start recording some of the stuff I've written lately)

I feel totally selfish and greedy for having a list so long. It's almost embarrassing.

But not as embarrassing as my 21st birthday when either my ex-partner or my (horrible) ex-step monster arranged for a 'surprise' at the restaurant when we were all out celebrating my birthday. I was 'forced, cajoled, coerced' into standing on the table while the restaurant patrons and staff sang me happy birthday. I've never forgiven anyone for perpetrating that and it is my only memory of that birthday.

In other news, I'm in the process (the long, tedious, frustrating, time consuming process) of editing my story. A month or so ago, I printed it off (I'm best at editing that way) and made changes, fixed, ect. As I blogged about before, I procrastinated my keister off. I designed the house the family lives in (three storey, obscenely big), wrote my outline (most of it), answered questions that were kind of open ended about the story and have begun the character biographies (most of this was a means to an end - my memory is terrible and I couldn't keep my facts straight - all of this was my way of being a continuity director). I am also now wrestling with the idea of letting my husband read it. He's read a couple other things I've written and he liked them (one he really liked). This (story) is totally different than the other two pieces but I've got to start somewhere and he said he'd be nice with his criticism.

Lakeside - nearly the same spot - August 2012

Lakeside - July 2012

I'm also thinking about doing one of those lists - you know, the ones that allow you to quickly add up how inadequate you are at life? The 30 by 30 type thing, but of course, mine would be '40 by 40' (since I'm turning 39). I do not know, however, if I'm prepared to set myself up like that. I mean, my list would be simple but with my continued health issues, climbing Mount Edith Cavell (the back trail - see the link below - the glacier calved almost a year ago taking out part of the parking lot, road and creating a new 'creek' in the former creek bed - the pic of Brennan and his Pépére was take a mere 14 days before the collapse - we saw a large part calf the day were were there - it was a sight to see) or hiking to the top of Whistler's Mountain may be next to impossible. Although in my defense, last summer, we were with in 100' of the top of Whister's Mountain but we were all just too out of shape to continue in the high winds and chilly conditions (excuses, excuses).

I really like talking, in case you hadn't realized it, and sometimes, I just need to blab about nothing and not be deep or meaningful or insightful (okay, I have never actually been any of 'those' things on this blog but I think about it often because I am unique but I haven't found 'my voice' yet because I'm not sure exactly what direction I want my life to go in).

But this is the end of this little ditty (there could be more but I try not to swear too much).

Mount Edith Cavell - Ghost Glacier collapse

For fun - here are some pictures from Mount Edith from our trip and similar angles captured by Parks staff after the Ghost Glacier fell off the mountainside.

Lake side - before (July 2012)

Lake side - after (August 2012)

PS Sorry for the really, really bad text wrap - Blogger is being a cow today and I can't get anything to work!

Menu Plan Monday - June 23 to 29, 2013

What a week... It's been a stressful, emotional week - and we're not even impacted by the terrible flooding occurring three  hours south of us! My father was nearly stranded in Okotoks and managed to flee just two hours before the camp he was in was overrun with water. Our dearest friend had also gone MIA during the floods in Calgary - we finally heard from him yesterday. He's en route to here as after he was evacuated, he decided to take a 'holiday' to southern Alberta and south western Saskatchewan - which has now being flooded!

Saw the surgeon - it wasn't what I was hoping to hear :( - and late last night, TroubleMaker came down with a stomach bug and we've spent the past 24 hours tending to a very sick little boy.

There are three tell tale signs when TroubleMaker is seriously sick.

1. He doesn't eat.
2. He sleeps.
3. He doesn't play.

So between unexpected, but very welcome, company and a sick child, meals could be kind of hit or miss. I made a batch of homemade chicken soup this afternoon so there will be leftovers for when my little boy feels like eating something and can keep something in his tummy!

Sunday: Chicken Noodle Soup and chicken salad sandwiches (for my honey, who doesn't care for soup)
Monday: Pizza (order in)
Tuesday: Pancakes and bacon
Wednesday: Hamburgers and chips
Thursday: Grilled chicken and pasta salad
Friday: Mom's ham and scalloped potatoes
Saturday: BBQ Steak and Potato Salad

Linking up with the Organizing Junkie's Menu Plan Monday! Thanks for stopping in and hope your week goes well!

Young Care Givers - A Salute (part two)

Me and my boy

Last week, I was introduced to the concept of 'young care givers', this week, I'd like to share some more information about this growing demographic and the other way young care givers are becoming a vital in integral part of the family.

Brennan is definitely part of a growing demographic. In 2001, it was estimated there was 108,000 thousand young carers in Canada - this number only represents a conservatively estimated number of children under 18 who are actively involved in caring for a parent due to a disability (albeit it chronic health conditions, depression or substance abuse problems). Further to this, it is currently thought that 10% of all people under 25 are primary care givers for a family member. These numbers do not encompass children like Brennan - I am still employed full time and although I am limited in my ability, I am not technically classified as disabled. This number also doesn't take into account the many, many more children who act as translators for new Canadian families or other type of assistance young children often provide to their parents (or even grandparents). These extra responsibilities puts a strain on young children who often don't know any different so they accept this as their normal, as children always do, but we need to realize that these children need something extra in the way of care for them.

We've all heard of adult care givers burning out from caring for aging parents, I saw, it happen with my mother. My grandmother was 'full time work'! Between Gramma's failing health, doctors appointments and daily needs, my Mom was raising two children, was recently divorced and worked full time. She hit a wall and thankfully, my father was able to 'swap' roles with Mom, but I still saw the affects the years of caring for her Mom had on her.

So imagine if you will, in addition to having to go to school, be a kid, learn everything (because you're a kid and so much of life is a whole bunch of 'firsts'), you've got to care for a sick parent? What would your life look like?

Now although Brennan is an incredibly compassionate, caring and amazing young man, I have to ask myself are his needs being met? We are told frequently that he is a one of kind child, a gem, a gentle soul - we've heard it all. He is incredibly helpful (from holding doors to moping floors, he does it all for anyone who wants or needs the help) in part because I'd like to think he wants too but also because I think he knows he needs too.

So what can we do for young carers? We can make sure they have the information to do the jobs we ask - although my son doesn't deal with my medications (he does watch and freak out when I give my injections), he does know how to get my ice packs ready, hug me gently and knows how to help me get dressed. Ensuring we provide them recognition for the jobs that they do. From a 'good job' to sharing the work they do with others (teachers, family, etc). I know personally it's incredibly embarrassing to have to admit that he helps me get dressed but I need to ensure those who are with him frequently understand the extra commitments he has. So they can share in the praise but also because they can get a better understanding of what he may be facing at home. Finally, giving them support! Allowing him 'down time' where there are no responsibilities, finding support groups for kids like him or allowing him the freedom to sometimes not do something that is typically expected. After all,, kids need to be kids too!

I don't have all the answers but I know have some knowledge and I am working to ensure my young carer, my precious baby boo, gets the chance to be kid and not worry about the problems at home.

For more information, please check out some of these resources:

Young Carers
Caregivers Alberta
Hospice Toronto - Young Carers Division - this site has a great landing page with tons of 'instant' information. Highly recommend!

There does tend to be a serious lack of support for these extra special kids. Can't find something in your area? Start a movement - the internet can be a good place to start trying to find others in your situation with young kids. Even having contact with other children who understand the special relationship they have with their sick parent can help immensely.

Thank you for reading - this has become something very close to my heart and the more people we can get the word out too, the better!

Choices: what's best for me may not be for you

I'm feeling really random these days so I've taken to writing about what's on my mind... Tuesday seems to be "What's the crazy lady feeling today?" day so this week, I want to talk parenting.

After spending most of my teenage years as "the" neighbourhood babysitter, then working as a nanny, having two nephews and a niece (not to mention the 11 step nieces and nephews I have), I should be pretty good at this parenting thing. If all this experience taught me anything, its that when it comes to your own kid, all bets are off.

Nothing I learned in all those years working in childcare prepared me for the adventure (and misadventure) that has been being Brennan's Mom. I learned many things in those years of taking care of other peoples kids but the one that was a 'hard line' was...

Cosleeping! Specifically, NO cosleeping should ever occur.

TroubleMaker sleeping: 15 months old

It was the demolishing of my Golden Rule (by cosleeping) that made me realize I knew nothing about parenting. All the tips and tricks I shared over the years with my new parent friends was worthless. I was two steps beyond tired. TroubleMaker did not sleep. Ever. His sleeping was so infrequent, when it happened, we took pictures.

Five years later, he finally sleeps through the night (and has, in all fairness, since a little after he turned three and a half) and we are at the point that we can lay down with him and get back up once he falls asleep. Every couple of weeks, this backfires and he wakes up, but for the most part we are back to 'normal' (or as normal as we can expect).

This works for us, mostly. We are often criticized (as we were for breastfeeding until he a little over three years) but it is a choice we made.

So what prompts this? The co-sleeping is part of a parenting method we've tried to employ called attachment parenting. One of the things we've learned is no system is perfect, no one system works for any one child and that when something isn't working for the parent, it may be time to start changing things.

Tonight, TroubleMaker tried to sleep in his own bed (well, in the spare bed, we gave away his bed). He was successful in the sense he tried. He went to bed in his own bed, he stayed there for 20 minutes. He didn't get up; he stayed there and when we checked on him, he asked to try again another night.

I'm immensely proud of him. It was a huge step for him and towards his independence, which was the overarching goal of this whole parenting journey.

So my only tip to new and expecting parents is:

The first rule of parenting is that all preconceived notions of how things should be will (likely be) tossed out the window. The second one is get a good book, read it, buy another good book, read it and get yet another book and read that one too and then pass them all on to some other expecting parents and laugh while you're up all night with your non-sleeping child like I was.

Being a mother is the single most hardest thing I've ever done. My son is an amazing human being and I love him with every single inch of my person and I wouldn't change a moment of it (well, maybe me not sleeping through the night from week eight of the pregnancy until he was 40 months old)!

Young Care Givers - Painting the Picture

While sitting in our car, waiting for my husband to get some high efficiency detergent from our least favourite store in the world, I was listening to CBC Radio. Playing was a documentary about young care givers, Care for the Young.

After two minutes, my eyes were filled with tears. The story was my life.

My precious baby boy, affectionately nicknamed TroubleMaker, is a young care giver and I had absolutely no idea that he was. Selfishly, not once (until today), have I ever considered the lasting impact my chronic health problems have on him. The extra demands placed on him, the level of commitment we expect from him (and to the family) and the impact seeing his mother always in pain and unable to actively participate in his life. This list goes on, of course, of the ways my health affects him and his life.

I have rheumatoid arthritis, I was diagnosed when I was 31 and although I wasn't 'too sick' when we decided to start our family, I didn't fully understand the impact my illness would later come to have on my young son. My decision - that's what hurts. He didn't ask to be born to a sick mother, I made that choice, thinking that I was healthy at the time, not realizing that my level of health may be fleeting. At the time, I took one anti-rheumatic drug and some ibuprofen and I was enjoying good health.

Five years later, I'm on five different anti-rheumatics and daily doses of anti-inflammatories and this just keeps me at a functional level. Couple that with my degenerative back disorder (two spinal fusions and counting) and depression and I am the furthest thing from healthy. I wouldn't choose this for anyone but I chose this for Brennan.

"Brennan, can you help Mommy?"
"Brennan, I need you to help me."
"Brennan, we need you to be extra helpful the next while I'm not doing so well."
"Brennan, I need you to be a big boy for me and do one more thing."

Did I mention he's five years old? He's a CHILD. He should be doing child like things.

Like riding bikes with me. Or chasing a soccer ball around the field with me. Or laying on the floor playing monster trucks or a board game or roughhousing with me.

But he can't, because I can't.

Instead he helps me get dressed. He helps me comb my hair. He helps me put my slippers and shoes on. He helps cook. He helps clean. He carries the 10kg bag of flour to the counter when we bake. He does it all, mostly, without complaint. 

Listening to Jenna's story, my heart hurt for Brennan and for all the young children who care for a sick or ailing parent. It's not an easy path they face, even if it is the only normal they've ever known.

I'm going to write more about young caregivers so please check back next Thursday for the next part of this series.

Memories of Little Miss B - The Kitchen

Oh Tsarina, my darling princess, I miss you. It's been just over a week since you passed away and we've unplugged and cleaned out your fountain. Your crate is still in the Jeep and your cat stand is still in the studio. I don't walk past and reach to scratch you as much this week as I did the first week you were gone.

Last Thursday, I was making dinner, like I usually do but you weren't here to 'help'. Meaning, you weren't driving me crazy with your crazy LOUD meow (I wish I had a video of you meowing - how is it in 13.5 years, I never got a video of your chatter?), the meow, I learned, was a call for me to put down the cooking implements and come play with you.

The kitchen was very hot and I was breaking out into a sweat but I resisted going to open the kitchen window. I knew as soon as I touched the blind, I'd hear the familiar "THUMP" that indicated you'd jumped off the cat stand and were making your way to the soon to be opened window. Before I'd get the window open, you'd be pushing on my arm, trying to get it out of the way so you could take your rightful perch, mashed up against the screen, catching a breeze, spying the birds that dared fly by or howling at the neighbours like we'd abandoned you.

I took a deep breath, pulled up the blind and slid the window open. Then my tears started again. Oh, baby girl, why is this so hard? I had a good cry and went and visited your cat stand. I took the fur laden blanket from the second level and snuggled it close to my face, just wanting to have one more night with you on my pillow, making me wheeze.

But I made it through. Just like I did yesterday when I opened a can of tuna for my lunch. For the first time in all the years you've been my girl, I poured the water from the tuna down the drain. Max was hiding under the table, I know he used to share the tune juice with you, I don't think he'd have wanted it though, it was always more 'your thing' than his.

It is still very, very strange to do things like open the door and not have to rush to close it (so you don't make an escape attempt). The number of times I started to tell TroubleMaker "CLOSE THE DOOR!" only to realize he can stand with the door open all day, save for during mosquito season, because you aren't going to be playing to get out of it. After nine years in this house, your dad and I realized the other night we can actually put in the screen in the front storm door. We both agreed that having you would be better but it's the little things that we'd just adapted too that are going to be the strangest to get used to doing.

I love you, Little Miss B. Be good.


This is my way of dealing with the very emotional loss of our darling Bengal, Tsarina Jasmine (HappyKatz cattery). She passed away April 15, 2013 after a brief, but difficult and debilitating battle with intestinal cancer. She was my surrogate child for eight years (before and after the arrival of our son), for me, losing her, is like losing a child. I appreciate not everyone will understand my attachment and dedication to her. If you don't get it, please move on. I'm in no mood to deal with morons passing judgement on my life.

The Organizing Revolution: Week Four - Family Room!

I had it in my calendar; all ready and set to organize my son's play area. It is a small space that is between the design studio and my husband's office. We finally finished the hand-me-down shelving unit (you can see the base of it here) and it just needed a few more door handles and it is already populated with toys.

Given my recent health challenges, I decided against completing the toys this week. I'm sad but happy that I'm not exhausted, sore and regretting doing something I knew would be too much for me to handle.

Instead I decided to show the "media" area in our family room. The rest of the room is furniture and with a minimal amount of horizontal surfaces, it remains clutter free (assuming TroubleMaker picks up all his toys before bed - hence the Hot Wheels race track in these pictures).

When I met my husband, he had over 1000 records stored in his basement... He also had 500+ compact discs. In the 14 years we've been together, that number has grown dangerously close to 1000. Thankfully, he sold the records years ago, although in retrospect, I would have loved to keep some of his favourites to use as art.

None the less, I needed to devise a storage solution for all those CD's! We needed to minimize the amount of floor space used so my decision was to use vertical space and employ glass fronted units to create a lighter environment. Our family room is in our basement and is windowless (as you may be able to tell from the photos). They are all alphabetized and cataloged . It makes finding what you want a snap and having the inventory is purposeful for insurance purposes and so I can find out what my husband doesn't have when his birthday or Christmas rolls around!

As for our television and support equipment (DVD player, cable box), I wanted it up off the floor and wall mount was the only option when we (finally) upgraded to a flat panel unit.

I also wanted to create some "display" shelving to allow for a small number of the CD's to be out in the open. Being music is a huge part of our lives, I wanted to use the media wall as a focal point and centre piece to the space.




The music area was also relocated last week to accommodate our new exercise equipment. The storage bench (extra toy storage) doubles as the piano bench. The dog and cat toys have a place out in the open again in a specially decorated basket Brennan made at bible school two summers ago.

All our media is tidy, stored behind glass and works as a design feature in the space. When guests enter the room, they are always amazed and impressed by our huge music collection and the wall mounted TV! Having a storage solution that works is one of the keys to the room's organizational success! Thanks for stopping by and checking out our family room organization!

(Recycled) Christmas Crafts!

Burned out Christmas lights

Well, here we are a few days from Christmas and I *almost* got all the things on my "to do" crafting list accomplished. However, I didn't get to share them for a few reasons (I really wanted to, I'm so happy with what we've accomplished). First and foremost being married to a photographer has it's benefits... It also has it's pitfalls. Namely, December is a really popular month for people wanting pictures. So although my stuff is a priority people who pay with more than cookies and kisses take the front seat. Then, my dear husband, threw his back out and was laid up for a good many days.

Milk carton villages!

But I did take a few "during the process" snaps that I'll share and who knows, maybe I can make proper tutorials before next Christmas!

 Snowflakes from old letterhead!

The burned out Christmas lights I had from the hanging of our outdoor lights and all the rage right now is to make them pretty by dousing them with glitter. I did 8 bulbs, 5 of which I added magnets too and are now adorning our refrigerator!  The main issue I have, as pretty as they are, is the glitter shed! I looked for from Diamond Glaze but it's only available at a few stores in my area and I wasn't going to drive 1/2 an hour to find some. They look great and absolutely pop against my white fridge.

We also built a milk carton village. It is absolutely my favourite thing we did this year! We have five houses in our village and they are adorable. We added flame-less candles and they have been twinkling the night away since early December.

Snowflakes - who doesn't love them? Even though we are under snow here for typically six months of the year, it's fun and simple to make paper snowflakes. TroubleMaker is a pro with his scissors and with a simple square folded, it's a breeze for him to make unique and creative snow flakes.

So this is what we've been up to this month - what have you been doing to make Christmas fun and crafty?

The Little Philanthropist

I've got many reasons to be proud of my son (doesn't every mother?) but sometimes, if it's possible, he makes me more proud than usual. Before I get there, though, let me rewind the clock a bit...

A few weeks before last Christmas, we saw a television commercial for an aid agency that helped children in Africa. He turned and said to his father and I "Mommy, why don't they go to the store and buy food?". We explained to him that they didn't have money to buy food. With out missing a beat, he declared that we needed to help them get food. He didn't judge, he didn't say "get a job", he took it at face value and knew, deep in his heart, that the only thing to do was help another human being.

Help he has... With the help of his friends, he raised 19 kilograms of food at his 4th birthday party. His generosity continued through the year but with the Christmas season approaching again, his desire to help out came to the forefront.

He expressed his concern about helping out other kids this Christmas. We explained to him that not every family who wishes to celebrate Christmas could celebrate. We asked how he'd feel if he woke Christmas morning only to realize Mommy and Daddy couldn't afford to get him a present. He decided he had to help a family in need. We planned a Christmas dinner and decided to donate toys for a kid his age to the local Santa's Anonymous.

Today, we delivered our dinner to our local Food Bank and dropped the toys in the bin at the shopping centre. Just a fun fact; today, his donation weighed more than he did!

So yes, I am proud, enormously proud of him. Proud because he gets it, proud he understands he is part of the community, the province, the country, the world. Proud that he understands that it is his social responsibility to help out his fellow human beings. Proud that he understands that he can't have everything he wants. Proud that at his core, he is four years old and although he knows it is important to help, he's not above temper tantrums, stalling at bedtime and shoulder rides to bed.

This is my Merry Christmas and seeing the world through his eyes makes it the merriest one yet.

Our food bank was so happy to see a young friend, they tweeted his donation.

Christmas Countdown - Day 2 - Bird Snacks!

Stir it up!

It snowed early here this year and our usual bumper crop of sunflowers wasn't so bumper! What does this mean? Hungry birds and an easy peasy craft for us to do! Cruising FOLK! magazine's blog, folklifestyle.com, I saw a crafty little idea for a bird seed ornament. We have a feeder in our tree (my mother in law gave it to Brennan) however the birds haven't exactly flocked to it. But with a few dozen hungry chickadees roaming around our yard, we headed off to get birdseed! He is a very helpful helper. He only splashed flower out once. We pressed them into a wax paper lined cookie sheet - finding the backside of a spoon was much less messy! Add some cookie cutter (press them REALLY hard into the mix - getting them out and flipped later was challenging and we found they didn't seem to cut through much).

STICKY!

Just a little higher! 

Brennan is very independent and must always, always have a hand in anything - especially if it is very awkward and requires some form of parental acrobatics!  The end resulted netted us a large ziploc bag full of ornaments (mostly "blobs", our shapes didn't withstand the taking out phase). We've hung four in our tree and are now awaiting some fine feathered friends!

Nothing says bird food like a bear!

Unfortunately, our neighbourhood has a load of cats that have the local bird population hesitant to land anywhere) but we remain hopeful, especially since we're only a few months into winter! 

Christmas Countdown - Day 1 - Chalkboard Sled!

For the past few years, I've struggled to do an "Advent Calendar" for TroubleMaker. By struggle, I mean I see so many ideas that I want to employ, I wait until the last second to pick an idea and then play catch up all month trying to stuff, fill, colour, cut and figure out what to do.

But no more. This year, although I had several different ideas in mind and been inspired out the wazoo by Pinterest, I decided on a treatless, presentless countdown device. He doesn't need all the extra candy and because we made a resolution to not spoil him too much (my husband and I made this pact before we got pregnant), I didn't want to get him 25 little things!

I was inspired by a cheap snowman chalkboard in the Dollar store and when I couldn't find a snowman wood cutout at the craft store, I fell in love with a large wooden sled and decided that this would work even better! Using this picture as my inspiration, I started to work.

The runners were broad brushed on with a blend of gold and brown.

I blended four colours for the base coat wash (red, poppy red, gold, black and a colour extender) applied with a dampened sponge applicator.

Once it was dry, I applied a second coat with a dry sponge. I then dry brushed black all over the edges. Next, I lightly sanded the entire surface and wiped it clean with a dry towel. I blended a white acrylic paint with a silver acrylic paint to paint the snowman. I gave him three generous coats (as the red beneath showed through). His nose was orange and his buttons had a base of orange and I painted over it with the scarf colour (a blend of red, black and gold). The hat is pure black and the cloud was acrylic chalk board paint (3 coats). The snowflakes were applied using white acrylic paint on a rubber stamp and I had painted his name on the top.

I had planned on putting an acrylic sealer all over the piece (save for the chalkboard part) but I finished the sled at 9pm last night after a very long day... This morning, I added the string - which consisted of three pieces of jute twine with three bright red jingle bells.

He was so excited to see it this morning, he didn't even ask for a cheap chocolate advent calendar at the grocery store today! I, myself, am enormously proud of how well it turned out. It's been a many, many years since I've done any folk painting (I actually gave my sister all my paints a year or so ago as I hadn't used them in at least 3 years) so I think for being pretty rusty, the Christmas Countdown Sled turned out very well!

Thanks for stopping by! I'll be sharing a number of Christmas and holiday ideas between now and December 24th so I hope you'll stop back again soon.


Sharing the season with...

The Sandbox Story

The second weekend of the sandbox build took place this weekend.

The sandbox won.

I think this quote sums it up "...such is the transition from designer to builder. It's so EASY to DRAW the wall straight". 


It wasn't that the work was really that hard but I think it was tedious. Very tedious. And tiring. Measure 16 times, cut once. Measure again, cut again. Repeat. I can draw just about anything and I can even envision it in my head constructed but building it and fitting it together are vastly different things.

I've always admired carpenters and builders - what doesn't look hard is actually quite intricate and complicated.

We were building a sandbox. A box - a rectangular shaped box with a lid. Sounds perfectly simple for two (relatively) novice builders. And I suppose, in theory, it wasn't that hard, it just seemed to take a very long time to complete.

And it isn't complete yet. We have a box and a lid and a cubic yard of sand. The handles and trim are still to come...

But two weekends of (hard) work and it's play worthy and ready. Saturday afternoon and part of today was spent digging, piling, packing and raking. This morning, shortly after rising, I found TroubleMaker at the back door strapping on his sandals - his destination? The sandbox, of course!

So many things, so little time... The Sandbox Saga

I am feeling inspired and very random. I have a to-do list a mile long and no plans to actually complete any of it... I'm tired and excited and a lot worn out. Visions of great and amazing things to do to my home and yard dance in my head - driving me a little crazy because I don't quite know how I can get it all done.

This weekend I want to build a sandbox. I've drawn a plan, calculated the sand we'll need and I've marked off the area in the yard where the sandbox will be built. I'm -->thisclose<-- to building it.

And it scares me.

I'm a real, live grownup. I own my home and I'm free to whatever I want to it. This scares me a bit. A lot.

I think it scares my husband even more. He likes my vision - he just doesn't like being the one has to execute it.

We aren't "handy", really, we can figure out just about anything we set our mind too but sometimes the attempt takes a couple of trips to the home store to buy parts. Twice.

Our latest endeavour is my wish to give our son a sandbox. I've got it drawn (in three dimensions even), calculated the board feet, planned a lid (as our neighbour has seven cats) and started to dig out the area. My husband even purchased a wheel-barrow so that we move sand and dirt as needed.

The weather forecast is agreeable, we have the desire.. Will it result in a sandbox?

Menu Plan Monday - holiday treats

Another Monday has arrived and it's a holiday here so I'm sitting back and relaxing... Well, I am now - but earlier today (and earlier this weekend), I was a machine! I love baking and cooking but don't often get the opportunity to share my work. The four days off (well, sort  of - I went in to work for a few hours Friday) gave me the chance to play!

A tisket, a tasket - cheesecake in a basket!

I'll admit, I've never made a baked cheesecake before. Generally, I'm about instant results so I usually do "no bake" cheesecakes but this recipe seems so easy that I had to give it a try.

It went together beautifully and it tastes great. Using cookies for crusts also made life easier! I'm not so sure that my attempt went quite as it should. When I took them out of the oven, the middles were just set however shortly after removing them from the oven, all but two fell. This did not affect the taste.

Our menu this week isn't nearly as exciting as my weekend of desserts...

Monday: Easy Hot Wings, Coyote Fritters and Caesar Salad
Tuesday: Gramma's Baked Macaroni and Cheese
Wednesday: Baked Pork Chops and Garlic Butter Egg noodles
Thursday: Spinach Salad and grilled sirloin steaks
Friday: Chicken Salad Sandwiches
Saturday: Pizza (with this crust)
Sunday: TDB

Hopping fun!

Tomorrow is TroubleMaker's preschool Easter party so I baked up some simple sugar cookies and spent the morning decorating them. Sadly, this is his last party as the wonderful teacher he has is leaving at the end of the month and the school year will be ending early.

Thank you for stopping by today, I hope you all have a great week and we'll see you again next week. For more menu ideas, please check out the Org Junkie's Menu Plan Monday!

Christmas Countdown: Day 9 - Quick and Easy Gift Ideas!

'Twas a week before Christmas and all through the shops, people were running and searching for props; the perfect gift for a mom or a dad, all were searching, searching like mad!


Today, I've got a guest post! Chris Lee works as an online researcher alongside his undergrad study, and has written this festive on behalf of Vistaprint. Take it away, Chris!
So, Christmas is nearly upon us. If (like me) you haven’t started your Christmas shopping yet, hopefully this post will give you a few ideas!

The Classics:
Wine and/or chocolate. I was tempted to call this section “fallback options” because these can seem like last resort gifts, but, as with any gift, if you put in the thought and match the gift to the personality and tastes of the recipient, they will be well received and appreciated. Try to figure out what cuisine the recipient enjoys eating and use the taste guide to select an appropriate wine, for example.

Gizmos and gadgets:
Ideal for a teenage audience, but also applicable elsewhere. Most gadget sites will have a “gift finder” or similar service which will allow you to enter variables such as recipients age, desired budget, whether or not to include mature gifts, etc. This can be a great way to find gifts you may otherwise not have considered, although try not to get too distracted and end up buying a selection of fun-but-useless gadgets for yourself!

Home-made gifts:
An old favourite. There’s perhaps nothing better than receiving a hand-crafted gift from a friend or relative. Knowing that they spent time planning and making a unique gift for you is a truly delightful feeling. This is especially fun for children, as they will take great pride in the items they make. Though this category can include almost anything, a few popular suggestions are home-made chocolates, mulled wine, photo frames, storage containers, and ornaments.

Personalised gifts:
Similar to the above, except someone else makes them for you! These days the internet is brimming with sites allowing you to make personalised mugs, calendars, t-shirts, mouse mats, etc. The personal touch on these traditional gifts will be popular whatever the occasion, but Christmas is the perfect time. Seeing a precious memory captured and printed onto an everyday item will lift the spirits of the recipient every time they see the gift.

Thanks for sharing, Chris! One thing I'd like you to know is we've actually been Vistaprint Canada customers for the past three years. We do an annual calendar of TroubleMaker (the pictures are from calendar's past) and the past three, we've ordered from Vistaprint! I was so happy when I was approached to host this post because I can honestly say Vistaprint products and customer service are fantastic!




Need another idea? How about tapping in to that "home made gift" idea? Have 10 minutes, a sewing machine and some fabric? Why not whip up one of these cozy, fuzzy pillow cases! I'll have more pictures and a bit of a tutorial later in the week! Thanks for stopping by and thank you Chris and Vistaprint for sharing some great Christmas gift ideas!