Forty by Forty (40x40): Day 21 - my closet

Today, in the world of the world's most boring 40x40 countdown, I decided to tackle my bedroom closet (my side of it). Fortunately, I knew what I was in for. Unfortunately, it wasn't the first time I'd completed this "organizing" task.

Over the past two years, things have "slid" around my house. Unable to do as much as I'd like and unmotivated to do what I can, "things" have just been put where there is a space. In attempt to control my clutter, I've been ridding our house of as many horizontal surfaces as possible. However, I'm SO good at amassing clutter, that I've found ways to be cluttered in vertical positions too.

I've also completely repurposed rooms in our house just so it can contain my clutter in an seemingly organized fashion (that's really a joke but the bed in the photo studio may tell otherwise)...

Want to see my shame?


And before anyone asks, the paper plates stuck to the walls are actually reading aids for TroubleMaker. We were reading by flashlight and he'd have to find the word on the wall. He moved out a month ago (to his own room) and I've not taken them down... As I mentioned, things have slid a lil' bit around here.

Over the years, I've blogged about getting organized a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I've done a couple (three?) different organizing challenges (52 Weeks & 29 Day) and it always goes well enough. I completely understand the process and I'm really good at it (check out this and this and this) but as time passes, my interest wanes and my stick-to-it-ness disappears and then I'm right back where I started.

'Cept this time, The Org Junkie (the guru of all things organized) isn't hosting an organizing challenge so I must go it alone (I'd use a Star Wars reference about Luke & Yoda but I really don't know anything about the movies).


First, I emptied everything out of the closet.



Then I went through everything. Happily, I purged several pairs of pants that had grown too big for me. I tossed out several pairs of dress pants that I've had for more than 10 years and haven't actually worn in at least 4 years. Then I rehung what I'd kept, washed a few items (again that haven't been worn but one must always have at least one pair of dress pants and a blouse or two). I cleaned out the five purses I own (I used to only have one purse - it did everything I needed it to do, then I discovered Grace Adele and now I own four purses, 5 clutches and two wallets). I then put my boot supports in my most awesome boots and folded all my purty sweaters.




Now it is done and I'm the happy owner of a very tidy closet.

40x40 Update: Day 25 - Meal Planning (in my defense)

My goal was to plan (at first) six months ahead - then I said three and finally settled on two months. I accepted that I need to accommodate what I could realistically complete. I've got the rest of June, all of July and August done and it feels amazing!

I've been teased for years about my meal planning and when sharing my Day 25 40x40 challenge on Facebook, my sweet sister started teasing me about it and it was her goal to teach me a few things about living life instead of planning meals. It got me thinking - why do I meal plan?

Reaching way back in my memory, I recall the first time I started planning meals. I was working as an order-picker in a sewing supply warehouse. Although I liked the job, it was dreadfully mundane and sometimes I needed something to pass time while I was wandering the isles picking orders. It was usually the same thing week after week but it killed five minutes.

Later on, it evolved to planning when my husband worked out of town. I again ate the same thing Monday to Thursday, week after week, but always tried to plan different things when he was home.

When I went back to work after our son was born, it had to happen. I was gone from the house 7am until 4:30pm and my husband didn't cook so I had to make sure he knew what to make for breakfast and lunch plus, I needed to be able to spend as much time with my baby as possible when I got home from work.

Planning further ahead (like I've been doing since February) works so much better for me for a few reasons...

1. Planning ahead helps me save money.
2. It takes the guess-work out of dinner.
3. Aids me in planning more nutritious meals.
4. Gives me more time with family.
5. Helps me stay on budget for our 'dining out' budget and our grocery budget.
6. Reduces my stress level because I'm not worrying about it.
7. Ensures I have several meal choices on hand (in case we don't feel like what's on the menu that day).
8. Once I get another five months planned, other than tweaking it and rotating in new meal choices, I won't have to worry what's for dinner for a good long time to come!
9. Less time in the kitchen!
10. During the school year, we have commitments on at least one night a week, knowing what's for dinner means we can eat and get out the door on time and I don't turn into Momzilla.

And those, friends, are just off the top of my head. If I thought a little more, I'd likely come up with 10 more!

Everyone is different - some of us plan, some of us don't. I say do what works for you and be happy. Life is too short to worry about what others are doing but if I had to give anyone a piece of advice, it would be to try menu planning - you might just like it!

Sister: I'm expecting you to teach me some of what you've promised!

PS If you're interested in learning how I menu plan and how others do it, here are a few links so you can be in the know too and simplify your life.

My menu planning guidelines
Our Family Recipe Index (it needs updating)
The Organizing Junkie's recipe selection criteria
More Org Junkies Menu Planning Resources

Forty by Forty (40x40) - Day 33

First and most important lesson learned today: I cannot count. Counting backwards was never really my "thing" and I realized today, that I've somehow managed to get mixed up but I'm back on track and I've been doing things daily (or delegating) so it's all going to work out in the end.

Today was a delegation day... I enlisted my super awesome, couldn't do it without her, Mother, to help me. My plan had been to do a cupboard today - my spice cupboard. Which I superbly organized while participating in an organizational challenge a few years ago but it's recently fallen on hard, mixed up times. So it got gutted, cleaned and reorganized all by my wonderful mother while my hunny and I spent an hour at Registries sorting out the how and why of registering a motorhome once the Registry office creates the registry incorrectly.

I also gave confidence to two Mommy friends who have apparent bathing suit complexes, cheered on eight very enthusiastic soccer players, made a kick-ass dinner and even crocheted a lil' something (serious, it's only little - I just did three rounds).  I figure that's a good list of accomplishments for today and will still only count all this awesome as just "one" thing.

What kind of awesome did you create today? This life is a journey and I think we should all try to be as awesome as we can each and every day - not just a certain number of days prior to a certain milestone. So go, be awesome and enjoy this thing called life.

Forty by Forty (40x40) - Day 36

First, some housekeeping...

I'm tossing the order of my "list" out the window. Turning 40 is liberating in the sense that I'm now getting to the age where two things are happening:
1. Things I remember like yesterday are becoming "vintage" (as I learned the other day, 1989 (the year), is now considered as such)
2. I can do whatever the hell I want!

The newest member of our family

Day 36 - today... Since my list is still my list and the order is being juggled like balls at a carnival, I've decided today is the day to buy an RV. Technically speaking, Monday was the day (we signed the final paperwork) and Thursday is the day we take possession so Wednesday seemed like a good time to share our news.

I've spent the past (nearly) two years cooped up in the house (well, in a manner of speaking) and since I'm not getting any younger and things (health wise) aren't about to change drastically any time soon, we, as a family, decided it was probably time we start "living" and for me, that's been a really important step to beginning to accept the my new reality. We've purchased one of those ridiculous reclining lawn chairs (zero gravity type) and with my super neck pillow, I figure it'll be just as awesome as my (ugly but comfy) recliner at home.


Different walls, different trees and a different place will be good for me. Different is good and I'm looking forward to getting back to something I've always loved doing! Our first trip is planned and we're looking forward to it.

Forty by Forty (40x40) - Day 39

So... Today's task was to sign my organ donor card. Doesn't sound like a big deal, does it? But it kind of is because I'm basically saying that when I die, they can take all the parts of me they want to use. Moreover, I might be able to actually help someone live!

That's really kind of awesome and since I have no religious affiliations (or attachments to my body), I say USE ALL OF ME.

 Did you know in any given year, there are approximately 4500 people waiting for an organ transplant? Did you also know that Canada has one of the lowest rates of organ donation in the world? And guess what, you can donate when you are ALIVE!!!

 Just some more quick stats for you... The biggest needed organ? Kidney - which you can be a living donor for. Number of people who died while waiting for organ donation (in 2012)? 256. What can one organ donor potentially do? Save as many as eight lives! A little weirded out by the idea of donating a part of yourself when you die? Donate blood NOW - it's considered the gift of life, takes about an hour of your time and they give you juice and a cookie when you're done!



I signed the back of my Alberta Health Care Card and made sure my husband knows what I wish to have happen when I die. That's really all I have to do! If you want to be a living donor, there are links via a map here.


PS It was very kindly pointed out to me that yesterday, I posted five things on my list and stated I would update next week. Apparently, next week is 7 days so why was I posting 5 things I'd do over 7 days... So, to please the one who will be donating my organs, here, again, are the SEVEN things I will be doing...

1. Finish & share my 40x40 list!
2. Sign my organ donor card!
3. Make a duct tape wallet for TroubleMaker (aka Brennan, who, with each year, outgrows his toddler moniker)
4. Store away our winter clothing & footwear
5. Make a kid summer "bucket list"!
6. Clean out my beside table (I live so dangerously)
7. Clean out my closet

Forty by Forty (40x40) - Day 40

In 40 days, I turn 40 years old. Although I'm not especially bothered by turning 40 (if any birthday was hard, it was either #18 or #39), I kind of thought it'd be fun to try and do 40 things (a thing a day) on and before the 'big day'. I'm going to send my thirties off in as big a style as I can...

So what will I strive to do? Well, I can't travel too much (my ability to drive has been impeded) and I won't be doing anything crazy (like bungee jumping or skydiving) so in the grand scheme of awesome, it may only register as a “6” - perhaps even just a “5” - but it'll be my 5 and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

You can follow along here on Barefoot Deliberations or find me on Instagram or Twitter. I will also be posting publicly on Facebook (I will specifically open up the 40x40 Facebook status updates and will Tweet  links to them). The notable exception is the one item which stipulates "24 hours with no Facebook, Instagram or Twitter". I likely will still blog about it though - not totally decided!

Here, in a not yet determined order, are the first five things of the 40 things I aim to complete...

1. Finish & share my 40x40 list!
2. Sign my organ donor card!
3. Make a duct tape wallet for TroubleMaker (aka Brennan, who, with each year, outgrows his toddler moniker)
4. Store away our winter clothing & footwear
5. Make a kid summer "bucket list"!

Exciting, I know! Can't you just wait to follow along? Each Wednesday, I'll post the next five things on my list.

The significance of September

It would appear everything I like doing, I stopped doing in September.

As my son and his friend sat down to play the Wii, I thought "What should I do?" Write! That was the obvious answer. I donned my earphones, turned on my music (do you have any idea how annoying the Mario games' music is?) and opened my story (you know the one, the one I wrote in six weeks?). It was then I noticed I hadn't touched the story since September 19 (2013)! WTH?! How did that happen?

I started dreaming about the story the other day and I knew I had to get back to it. I have a serious love for the characters in the story - I'm kind of sad, really, I should get a life. Maybe it's the writer's curse to be in love with your own hero and heroine?

None the less, yesterday's post about "new year, new book" may be the inspiration I was looking for. I mean, really, I have at least one other story idea sitting in my head (I wrote it down - I can't trust myself to remember my name these days) but I want (must, need) to finish up the first one before I dive into another.

Here I go, back in with Derek and Clare, see you on the other side!

(PS If/when I publish the book, I think "Derek" will have a different name. I used "Derek" initially as a place holder and it's not grown on me)

New year, blank book?

Someone I know (actually, I think it was three people) posted this clever little sign on their Facebook page about how the new year is like a blank book - you can write your own story. It finishes with the even more clever "write a good one".

Honestly, I love it. I love the saying and think it's fabulous.

And at it's core, it a great sentiment but it really isn't all that practical. I mean, really, who wouldn't want to start each year - any  day - with a blank slate. A chance to right our wrongs, a chance to paint a beautiful picture, an opportunity to make our lives exactly what we want them to be.

Except for bills. And money. And mortgages. And life.

My son is five (coming six) and his book is blank but even he's got school (2.75 hrs per day, 5 days per week - and piano on Tuesdays plus 20 minutes piano practice 5 days a week) and yanno, he's five so I make his bedtime and major life decisions for him.

I suppose if I don't take it too literally, I could see the benefits of looking at the new year as a blank slate. I can choose better and choose different. I can resolve to be kinder, think sweeter and to taking the high road more often.

But I'll think about that tomorrow. Welcome to 2014.

TroubleMaker, the piano and getting older

TroubleMaker starts piano lessons in September. I'm over the moon excited about this: I've always wished I could play the piano. We've always had musical instruments in our house - as a 'former' aspiring musician, music has always been important to me - my child being involved in music has always been the one thing I new I'd do "right" as a parent.

I went to a fairly 'artsy' elementary school. We had a huge music room with a very well developed music program. I remember singing in choirs and playing various instruments (mostly percussive) from the first grade through to seventh grade. In grade seven, I took up the saxophone. I loved that instrument. I remember my parents banishing me to the addition to practice that first year (was I really that bad?) but practice I did! I played up until eleventh grade when my high school forcibly removed me from the music program so I could take a math course (see here for the results of that decision).

I think for Christmas when I was in the 8th grade (maybe it was 9th?), my parents bought me an accoustic guitar. By the end of the day, I could pick "My Guitar Gently Weeps". Being able to read music was very important... Along the way, we also got an electric keyboard (maybe Christmas 1987?). Although none of us played piano, my Dad felt it was important we had it. It was - it's how I tuned my guitar for the next couple of decades, it was the drummer on the old demo tapes my sister's ex-boyfriend and I recorded and I was able to play Christmas carols in the winter on it.

So, what I'm getting at is that I was fairly musically inclined.

When I was 22 or so, my ex-husband sold my guitars. It's a very long story and I do not think I've ever really processed how I allowed him to do that to me. I still harbour a lot of anger and resentment about it... Around 2003 I bought my husband a used guitar so he could learn to play - he didn't (too hard for someone who'd never taken a music class in his life) however, in 2006 or so, my husband decided to learn to play guitar and he bought himself a new one and started taking lessons.

In 2009, he fulfilled my life-long wish and purchased me a folk guitar and I started playing again. I was surprised how much I remembered! By this time, we had an electric tuner (so I didn't need my faithful, 20 year old keyboard anymore).

I don't play much - my hands are usually to sore and swollen to properly play but I try sometimes because music has always been therapeutic.

Anyway, this year (because I was too late last year), I enrolled TroubleMaker in piano lessons... The kid has a gift - when he was three, he started playing the old electric keyboard and made music. He needed lessons - it just took me time to figure out where to take him.

So we bought a new electric piano (from Costco, of all places). Last night, we set it up and TroubleMaker was so eager to play it! He's played it today again too!

As my husband was putting the boy to bed, I decided to sit down and see what I remembered.

I realized quickly, I remember nothing. I'm not even sure what the keys are anymore. I picked out part of "Pop Goes the Weasel" (one day, remind me to tell you about the drama class I took where I played that song for the class in an impromptu performance) but I was a blank. After ten minutes, it was evident that unlike the guitar, anything I'd once picked up on the piano, was gone.

To me, this means I'm getting old. I remember talking to my other half years ago and was absolutely flabbergasted that he couldn't remember things like his fourth grade teacher or the name of the first girl he kissed... Now that I'm getting up there, I completely understand.

So I'm going back to beginner piano with my son! The program is parent and child driven so I'm hoping, I'll be able to practice along with him because I really, really want to be able to make beautiful music!

Here's the first tinkering on the new machine - I'd love an acoustic piano but we decided until TroubleMaker commits to going all the way with piano, this little machine will work just fine.


 

One Year Later...

*This post is a downer. A little self-serving with a side of pity and a big scoop of 'poor me'.*

Today marks the first (and hopefully, last) anniversary of my leave from work.

This is a sad day for me.

One year ago yesterday, I woke up with a crick in my neck - you know the feeling; like you slept wrong or your pillow is getting old. Just a kinked neck, which I knew would work itself out by the end of the day.

By lunch time, it was REALLY sore and it was giving me a headache. A bad headache. I enlisted one of the supervisors to rub my neck and massage it a bit because I was certain it was just a tight muscle. It felt really good.

For about 10 minutes.

After listening to my whining for most of the morning, my coworker suggested I call the massage clinic on Campus and go get a massage. I called - they couldn't get me in until the following day.

I don't remember now if I stayed the whole day but I know by the time I got home, I was in some serious, serious pain. I begged off taking TroubleMaker to swimming so my husband took him instead. I rested.

It didn't help.

I won't forget the pain - people say we forget pain. That pain is not something I'll ever forget - even if it's because the pain is still present (however, when it happened, pain was a 25 on a scale of 1-10, now it's an 8/9 with the odd 11 thrown in if I do too much). I went to bed that night and did not sleep. I think I altered back and forth between ice and heat and finally fell asleep around 4am.

At 6, when I awoke 'for work', I decided to not go to work and to go see the doctor instead.

By 8am, I was in emergency.

The rest is history, as they say, but it's a somber and sad anniversary. I love my job. I love my coworkers. I love what I do. I'm a shell of myself. It took me nine months to get surgery - a wait, that I believe now - cost me my recovery.

The longer a nerve is impinged, the less likely full recovery is possible. Now, partially, this is my fault - I knew something was 'wrong' in February 2012... I didn't actually seek treatment until July 2012... Due to our broken system, I couldn't get the necessary MRI until January 2013 (that is until I presented so severe, I got it via the emergency neurology clinic). None the less, I waited a very long time for surgery and even though I knew the odds were low, I was confident - more than confident - I would make a 100% full recovery. There wasn't a doubt in my mind, if I survived the surgery, that I would be 100% post operative.

I'm not. I'm still off work. I still have no feeling in the hand, feet, legs and other assorted areas (due to the severe disc compaction - it spent the better part of year pressing on my spinal column). I still have pain - lots of pain - which means I'm on the drugs that scramble my brain. I have weakness, can't grip anything or pick up stuff well. I can't do the things I love and enjoy (nor can I do the things I don't like). Plus now, I have the added bonus of 'swallowing' trouble. Fun stuff. I also can't turn my head which means I can't drive. So I'm trapped in this house all day. Every day.

I know this is all very 'poor me' and I'm not seeking sympathy. I just needed to get this out of my head - after all, spewing this stuff is an essential part of recovery. Those who know me will tell you I'm an extroverted introvert who is pessimistically optimistic. I am struggling a lot with this because it's just not me.

Today is one full year since I've worked "full time". What I initially thought was going to be 'nothing' but my body telling me a needed a new pillow, turned into another spinal fusion, which turned into a YEAR + OFF WORK. My optimism is now pessimistic at best - I can't keep doing this, I can't. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I feel let down - worse, I feel like I've let everyone down.

Yes. I'm getting help. Made the call today.

I know today is just a really bad day - being the anniversary of my demise (I'm not feeling optimistic, remember?). I'm a year from 40 and I feel bROkeN. No one wants to be 39 and broken. No one.

I've been reminded several times how awesome it must be to be off work... And if I was fully functional and totally my usual awesome self, I'd be rocking it. But I'm not. Dressing myself is painful. Doing my hair is excruciating (I'm falling in love with my curls again out of necessity).  Sure, I cook still and I dress and I do 'the basics' (like bathe) because I absolutely refuse to have my son cut my supper up anymore and I won't let my husband help me get dressed anymore either. It's the last vestiges of my sanity and I can't give those up. I had three weeks of NOTHING. I'm not a 'do nothing' kind of person so 12 months of it has given me my fill.

Tomorrow is a new day and maybe tomorrow, I'll wake up and everything will be better. It can't get worse, right? But it did. The coordination I thought I'd regained must've been leftover drugs because it's gone and I haven't tried to play guitar in over a month.

I'm going to go be sad in the corner over there. I'll talk to you tomorrow when I'm past this 'one year' mark.

PS One of my "40 by 40" goals is to GET BETTER. If I put it on a 'bucket list' is has to happen, right?

Talking Tuesday: discovering self

I've decided, as part of my "40 by 40", I should blog more. Part of my lack of bloggy goodness has to do with the fact I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going. I have so many ideas in my tiny little head that it's really, really hard to focus on one specific thing.

I keep reading to 'blog about something you're passionate about' - frankly, I'm passionate about a whole bunch of things but I keep trying to pigeon hole myself into something specific that's readable, doable and appealing to others.

As 40 approaches, I've decided I don't care about convention. I started this blog out of desperation: I'd started a new job I absolutely detested and I *hoped* it would be a means to an end so I could quit and finally resume my role as a SAHM. I knew nothing about blogging but I was so desperate to be a stay at home mom, I would have sold my soul. Life had other plans: TroubleMaker is five and a half and I still work full time (the notable exception has been the past year as I've been on medical leave). I'm tired of trying to fit some mould of what I should be.

After all, isn't that what 40 is about? Realizing you don't owe anything to anyone and you start really figuring out who you are? That's always been my impression, even if I've spent the past 20 years trying to be 'me'. I don't feel I've ever fully given myself permission and I certainly didn't believe I would have the support of my family, friends or society. Now, I'm not sure I care so much. I'm not trying to impress anyone and I really only care about what those who share the house with me think (of me) and that I can look at myself and be proud of who I am. I want my son to see the strong, dedicated, hard working, passionate woman I think/hope I am. My husband supports me - always, regardless of what I may think, say or do (the only whim he will no longer follow is my desire to be a vegetarian (again)). Max, my dog, thinks I'm totally awesome - especially if I have food.

Barefoot Deliberations is me - in print form. I've not always done a really good job at reflecting that - because I've been caught up in the machine - but I'd like to be more true to myself. I've written some good things here (and some not good and some mediocre) but that is who I am. I can't be any more or any less - especially if I'm not being true to myself.

I like talking design, politics and current events. I love writing and talking and sharing the things I've learned. Naturally, I have reservations (because my life has been complex and not always great and I know some of my family and friends read me regularly (Hi Friends and Family)) so I have to temper some of my propensity to "share" because I am not an island and I can't be anonymous. This is my method of expressing myself and I'm kind of done trying to fit a mould. It keeps me in a box and doesn't let who I am shine through.

Going forward, you may see posts about me, food, design, crafts, family, politics, current events, things that get under my skin, reviews (of stuff I really like and have happened upon on my own), organizing, life and anything else that strikes my fancy. Of course, I'd like everyone to read me and think I'm wonderful and awesome and oh so amazing, but if you don't, that's okay too because it isn't a popularity contest and I can only be me.